Ivy may, today is your naming day

As parents it was our own personal everest... making it thru 365 days and nights to Ivy May's first birthday. To celebrate we hosted a baby naming at our place to put a little bit of formality in the day. It was a great success with the last guests leaving at 10.00 pm, all the food being eaten, all the grog drunk and every generation represented from Kate's Uncle john at 85 to little baby William at 3 months.

Kate made a lady bird cake which literally took the cake, Ivy got lots of lovely presents plus a name. Mucho gracias to Megan for being our celebrant and thanks to everyone who came... 

I for one had a great day

Qantas hostage drama takes it toll

With recent rising fuel costs it seems Qantas has come up with an ingenious solution to keeping profits in the black. Keep the passengers locked up in a plane on the tarmac until completely broken down they will surrender and haul themselves over to the virgin desk to book themselves another flight out of there. Perhaps this explains the new route Sydney - Guantanamo Bay, via Perth which was the flight I was on last Friday. 

It all began on the Thursday when my colleague Spratty and myself treated ourselves to cook your own toast and crap coffee in the very exclusive qantas lounge whilst waiting for a our 8.45 flight to leave. We then experienced a bit of departure time creep... boarding 9.45, 10.30, 11.45, 12.30, 1.45, we finally left at 3.30pm. Not that I'm complaining. I'd rather be delayed a few hours than be the special guest star onAir crash investigations. I turned the other cheek and we went on our way. It was the flight on the way back I really objected too. 

 Departure was at 4.00pm Friday. Thankfully I found out in advance from a work friend that the flight was delayed until midnight. I went out to dinner, had a few drinks and went to the a airport ready for my red eye delayed special. It was then that we found out flight was diverted to Abu Graib. The torture began when they started messing with our heads Your attention please passengers... Qantas apologises for the inconvenience... we're having

 a few problems with the fuel injection on engine number 4... we apologise for not communicating with you for the last 4 hours but we didn't want to pay for a night accommodation in perth etc etc

By now it was 4 in the morning and the sleep deprivation approach was really working. We'd been on the tarmac for the 3 and a half hours and hadn't been allowed off and were now taxi-ing back to the gate. By now I'd become  some zombie like creature out of I am legend with the glazed eyes smelly underarms, bad breath, rumpled clothes ready to attack anyone with a qantas logo on their blazer. Thankfully I received a $7 refreshment voucher. After shelling out 4.80 for a regular coffee I was ready to strangle any flying kangaroo who happened to cross my path. Once again Qantas apologised for the inconveneice but I coudn't really give a shit. I had now been standing in a queue trying to book a flight out of there for 2 and a half hours. Apparently there were 4 seats free on  jetstar flight at midday. That got the 282 passengers in front of me really excited.  By now we'd been divided into two groups, platinum frequent flyers and those who were still assessed to be terrorist risks. It was impossible to leave the queue to go to the toilet as sods law has it that will be the moment the queues actually starts moving. Finally at about 9am I found myself on a new flight out of there. My return flight to perth consisted of  33 hours waiting/ flying time. Actual time in Perth not in an airport was 24 hours. 

Time for Teletubbies

A mysterious looking alien phone rises out of a futuristic dome set in green landscaped hills, a self propelled vacuum cleaner with a long nose and the name nu nu sucks up some clothes and 4 colourful alien looking creatures complete with antennae's are cooking toast with smiling faces on it..."mmm tubby toast looks great doesn't it" whispers Kate.

It's time for teletubbies alright. 

Previously I have usually only ever viewed teletubbies or teledo'mboqlar for any uzbek readers, after a massive night out on the turps and then the true meaning of the Tubbies was open to a slightly different interpretation. But now I am an avid viewer, often to be heard singing along to the catchy tune at the beginning (much to the chagrin and window closing of the young blokey neighbours next door). 

My enthusiasm, however, is completely surpassed by little Ivy May age 11 months. Our tiny bird, whose average attention span is the time it takes the remote control to fall off the coffee table, is completely mesmerised by the strange mystical powers of Tinky Winky, Laa Laa, Ditsy and Po.

She can and does sit there transfixed without a sound for tens of minutes until finally a massive chuckle bubbles up, usually at the appearance of a radiant sun with a grinning toddler s face superimposed.

But even more amazing is that when, finally, Ivy's attention is diverted by some sparkly object on the floor, her mother continues to be hypnotised muttering "I wish I could live in the tubbytronic superdome" Those cognitive psychologists have a lot to answer for. 

But it seems we're not the only ones obsessed by the whole teletubbie phenomenon. The late reverend Jerry Falwell ignited debate by accusing Tinky Winky the purple handbag carrying teletubbie of being a tool of homosexual criminal minds pushing their gay agenda. Apparently his triangular antennae is a bit of a give-away. This has been taken to the next level by the polish government who has hired psychologists to evaluate the effect on children's minds of this evil corrupt tubtronic behaviour. Thankfully sanity was restored when the boys from the chaser dressed up last year as Tinky Winky and crashed a gay club and a polish club. Apparently Tinky Winky was well received at both venues.

Listen for the Horses

When it comes to a sense of smell, little Ivy May can sit in her soiled nappies all day long and not give a whiff.  She's would be perfectly happy holidaying next to a sewerage works. But Sense of sound is a different matter.  Like an apache listening to the approach of the cavalry, she can sense a plane overhead long before it hits Parramatta, mum and dad tiptoeing to the toilet at 4 in the morning and little big ears has acknowledged that squeaky floorboard before we can whisper an expletive. Her latest thing is to put her ear to the ground like she's in some crap 1950's western. 

But she's definitely coming along in leaps and bounds. Pulling herself up, crawling like a demon, squealing like the beatles just rocked into town when we we sing along to our favourite wiggles anthem. The contribution Toot toot chugga chugga big red car has made to modern music  I feel has been underestimated. 

Kingdom of Thailand receives royal visit

4th century Thai legend has it that one day a princess baby will come from afar, across the sea,  descend from the sky, give her royal blessing and be their saviour. According to the great texts, this God in baby form will have chubby cheeks, long eyelashes and go by the name of Ivy may. 

Last week this great Thai prophecy was said to have come true. 

From the moment we arrived the people cheered , shouted her name and lauded her beauty. Businessmen were stopped in their tracks, teenage girls took her photo on their mobiles and wise old grandmothers nodded their wise old heads in approval. 

The god baby conducted herself in the most royal of ways. A slight tilt of the head to acknowledge police officials, a wave to their cheering crowds in the market, and a slight nod at the opening of a factory were all said to exhilarate the thousands who had flocked to see the royal visitor. 

Many of the onlookers were hoping to receive a royal blessing which is said to bring peace and prosperity

For many a kiss on the lips with the royal saviour will release them from all their sins in this lifetime

For us the keepers of the royal child unfortunately life wasn't so royal. We were constantly chided for the god baby being so fat. 

the God baby also decided that sleep was only a necessity for human babies and hence decided on a course of non stop thai party to celebrate her arrival on the human planet

It was after 7 days of mass celebrations that us the keepers of the Golden child decided to embark on the hugely unpopular decision to bring the golden child home early

despite mass protests from the local thai people and also the god child herself she returned to sydney unharmed and slept in one night more than she slept on the entire royal visit

We were only allowed to leave with promises that we return next year which surely after such a warm reception we will. That is if the God baby herself decides we will be allowed to

What a crawler

Before yesterday,  the only crawling she was doing was to her Grandma handing out big smiles on demand. But now Ivy is officially crawling and loving it. For other baby milestone spotters her top teeth have started growing through as well. Go Ivy go

When two tribes go to lunch

The Browne clan joined the Holmes clan to celebrate Kate's birthday 7th march and my birthday 9th of march. We went to the local Castel mola (Castle of moles) and good food was had by all. Probably my most interesting present was a bottle of absinthe....  It used to be the drink of choice amongst artists and lesbians in Gay paris in the twenties. After being banned for 80 years it seems to be back. Kate's brother in law Stephen managed to find it .... cheers for that 

Ed's Saturday shopping list

G'day mate, got a bit of an embarrassing shopping list today....

nipple shields x 2

thrush cream

anaesthetic nipple cream

cabbage

heat pack for sore breast

the good news is that Kate has now pretty much recovered from her mastitis and the Thaialnd trip is all systems go from next friday. Lets hope it's a good Friday especially with a nine month old and 9 hour plane trip

Scary new computer

I have just been completely blown away by our new Apple computer, especially the new photo booth option. Hours of fun for kiddies and adults alike. Is it just me or have computers come a long way in 4 years. The series of photos on this blog were made in about 5 minutes.Now i'm sure all you readers of the future looking back on my quaint little blog won't find this so interesting but us 21st century types find it quite unbelievable. personally I still find it difficult to describe how fax technology works to a third world rice farmer. in fact I'm blown away by telephones.... as for radio my god.... and cameras.... but digitally enhanced images sent from my computer thru space to everyone in the world who cares to see with a click of a button... now that is scary

even my nephew James who was born this century fails to comprehend
it's enough to alter your view of reality

The day of the brilliant path

Parents of geniuses often remark upon when they first discovered their child was a genius. For me it wasn't when I saw Ivy flicking through "a study of genius" in between vomits on the lounge room floor. Sure she rolled to the bookshelf selected which book took her fancy and it just so happened to be "a study of genius". (just what this book was doing on our bookshelf is a mystery but obviously it's one of Kate's pretentious college arthouse showy offy books! 

But how did I come to the realisation of Ivy's future genius abilities? 

It was when I consulted the Birthday book, a far more reliable source of finding geniuses, where each persons birthday is summarised with their personality description. Kate is the day of Abstract structure, brilliantly correct for anyone who's seen a day in the life of such a complex individual. Mine is the day of the space voyager which once again absolutely spot on target. But what about Ivy? Flicking over to the auspicious  birth date of 05/06/07 and I come across the Day of the Brilliant Path. Energetic, systematic, quick witted, obviously traits she inherits from her father, whilst anxious, chaotic and bewildered being the traits she inherited from her mother.

so how do I the space voyager balance the demands of abstract structure? Easy simply follow the teachings of the brilliant path because according the brilliant path the movement of music happens not in the notes themselves but in the silences in between.

"You blokes on strike or something?"

There I was sitting on a a comfy bench in Parliament house on February 13, national laugh at John Howard day, when Kevin 07 saunters along, fires off a quick joke to myself and colleague Martin before heading on his way to sign the sorry declaration. We were on a whistle-stop tour of all the channel ten newsrooms (Brisbane, Melbourne, Canberra) and were hoping to film the prime minister in action. His infamous "you blokes on strike or something " line hilarious for the fact that we were'nt actually filming him but instead lazing around on the couch people watching. But what people watching it was... first came Julia Gillard with her proud parents on either arm... she gave me a big smile, then came Julie Bishop, 3 generations of Mclellands, Bob Brown, and then mid conversation with Martin he gets distracted and mutters a hey Bobby how ya going as if just running into a long lost friend delivered in his finest Cronulla accent. It was of course Bob Hawke, who as I later found had no idea who Martin was. This was due to the fact they had never met and Martin had fallen for the whole I recognise you and I'll absentmindedly say hello and then realise afterwards that I don't actually know you. But back to Kevin's little joke. 

The reason we couldn't film him was that we were inside the restricted area of the house where you cant film. Kevin being Kevin still doesn't realize this, his press secretary informed us. One channel ten crew had been given permission to film the sorry declaration walk for all the other networks and we were hoping to attach ourselves to this crew and film the crew filming Kevin. I was hoping it would make great footage for the news promotion I'm making. Unfortunately the speaker of the house intervened and even though Kevin's office was keen, the speaker wasn't so there we were on that famous couch.

It was a great trip though getting a fly on the wall peak at how TV newsrooms work and especially inside the Canberra Press gallery where we hung out for 2 days. It was also great to be there on such an historic occasion and mixing with indigenous Australians something which rarely happens to us inner city types