My Dad's a lazy blogger

Apologies for the lack of blogging but here are some objective photos 

of the world's most beautiful baby

secret society of spiders

There is a group of babies belonging to this unique and mysterious cult. Started in September 2008 the group forages around childcare centres communicating by a series of enigmatic signs. 

Easily tamed with food or a greeting of the cross to the forehead, this group is considered tame to most humans. Their charismatic leader Ivy May, on the other hand, is to be approached with the utmost caution. 

One wrong move and this could be the last thing you see

Love at first sight

From the moment they caught each others eye, they just knew

                                                       it would end in a kiss

It took an afternoon at Fox studios for ivy to find her true love

and this kind of love is destined to last forever

Houston, we have a walker

One small step for bird... one giant step for Ivykind.

At 13 and a half months Ivy has taken her first steps.... Yay for Ivy.

It happened as some of Kate's extended family came over one friday. Lucky I took the day off work. She definitely knows how to please a crowd that daughter of mine.

She'll be running the 100 in under ten before you know it

Helping Michael Jackson walk again

In the tradition of catholic world youth day and the church of hillsong rip of youth year I thought it was holy time to bring a bunch of idealistic youth together, praise our lord Michael Jackson and then crush their spirits by putting them in a channel Ten Australian Idol promotion

Like lambs to the slaughter they gave their all, parting the holy reality Tv sea.

And it seems alas a miracle has happened. 

His holiness Michael Jackson, currently wheelchair bound and hurting, has been yearning for something to raise his spirits. A screening was organised for the holy father and reports are that a white glove was raised in the air in triumph after hearing those angelic voices. 

but don't just take my word for it. You too could have your spirit awakened by this joyful promotion. Log into the address below but it comes with a warning. 

www.youtube.com/ten

I accept no responsibility if you start saying no to condoms and purchasing cloth Jesus lookalikes made in china and a holy bargain at 89.95.

and for those truly righteous log onto the australian idol website and you can see the making of the making of the promo.

and thanks to Jackie chan who took time out from his latest action flick for taking the photos.

he also does wedding parties anything

Ivy may, today is your naming day

As parents it was our own personal everest... making it thru 365 days and nights to Ivy May's first birthday. To celebrate we hosted a baby naming at our place to put a little bit of formality in the day. It was a great success with the last guests leaving at 10.00 pm, all the food being eaten, all the grog drunk and every generation represented from Kate's Uncle john at 85 to little baby William at 3 months.

Kate made a lady bird cake which literally took the cake, Ivy got lots of lovely presents plus a name. Mucho gracias to Megan for being our celebrant and thanks to everyone who came... 

I for one had a great day

Qantas hostage drama takes it toll

With recent rising fuel costs it seems Qantas has come up with an ingenious solution to keeping profits in the black. Keep the passengers locked up in a plane on the tarmac until completely broken down they will surrender and haul themselves over to the virgin desk to book themselves another flight out of there. Perhaps this explains the new route Sydney - Guantanamo Bay, via Perth which was the flight I was on last Friday. 

It all began on the Thursday when my colleague Spratty and myself treated ourselves to cook your own toast and crap coffee in the very exclusive qantas lounge whilst waiting for a our 8.45 flight to leave. We then experienced a bit of departure time creep... boarding 9.45, 10.30, 11.45, 12.30, 1.45, we finally left at 3.30pm. Not that I'm complaining. I'd rather be delayed a few hours than be the special guest star onAir crash investigations. I turned the other cheek and we went on our way. It was the flight on the way back I really objected too. 

 Departure was at 4.00pm Friday. Thankfully I found out in advance from a work friend that the flight was delayed until midnight. I went out to dinner, had a few drinks and went to the a airport ready for my red eye delayed special. It was then that we found out flight was diverted to Abu Graib. The torture began when they started messing with our heads Your attention please passengers... Qantas apologises for the inconvenience... we're having

 a few problems with the fuel injection on engine number 4... we apologise for not communicating with you for the last 4 hours but we didn't want to pay for a night accommodation in perth etc etc

By now it was 4 in the morning and the sleep deprivation approach was really working. We'd been on the tarmac for the 3 and a half hours and hadn't been allowed off and were now taxi-ing back to the gate. By now I'd become  some zombie like creature out of I am legend with the glazed eyes smelly underarms, bad breath, rumpled clothes ready to attack anyone with a qantas logo on their blazer. Thankfully I received a $7 refreshment voucher. After shelling out 4.80 for a regular coffee I was ready to strangle any flying kangaroo who happened to cross my path. Once again Qantas apologised for the inconveneice but I coudn't really give a shit. I had now been standing in a queue trying to book a flight out of there for 2 and a half hours. Apparently there were 4 seats free on  jetstar flight at midday. That got the 282 passengers in front of me really excited.  By now we'd been divided into two groups, platinum frequent flyers and those who were still assessed to be terrorist risks. It was impossible to leave the queue to go to the toilet as sods law has it that will be the moment the queues actually starts moving. Finally at about 9am I found myself on a new flight out of there. My return flight to perth consisted of  33 hours waiting/ flying time. Actual time in Perth not in an airport was 24 hours. 

Time for Teletubbies

A mysterious looking alien phone rises out of a futuristic dome set in green landscaped hills, a self propelled vacuum cleaner with a long nose and the name nu nu sucks up some clothes and 4 colourful alien looking creatures complete with antennae's are cooking toast with smiling faces on it..."mmm tubby toast looks great doesn't it" whispers Kate.

It's time for teletubbies alright. 

Previously I have usually only ever viewed teletubbies or teledo'mboqlar for any uzbek readers, after a massive night out on the turps and then the true meaning of the Tubbies was open to a slightly different interpretation. But now I am an avid viewer, often to be heard singing along to the catchy tune at the beginning (much to the chagrin and window closing of the young blokey neighbours next door). 

My enthusiasm, however, is completely surpassed by little Ivy May age 11 months. Our tiny bird, whose average attention span is the time it takes the remote control to fall off the coffee table, is completely mesmerised by the strange mystical powers of Tinky Winky, Laa Laa, Ditsy and Po.

She can and does sit there transfixed without a sound for tens of minutes until finally a massive chuckle bubbles up, usually at the appearance of a radiant sun with a grinning toddler s face superimposed.

But even more amazing is that when, finally, Ivy's attention is diverted by some sparkly object on the floor, her mother continues to be hypnotised muttering "I wish I could live in the tubbytronic superdome" Those cognitive psychologists have a lot to answer for. 

But it seems we're not the only ones obsessed by the whole teletubbie phenomenon. The late reverend Jerry Falwell ignited debate by accusing Tinky Winky the purple handbag carrying teletubbie of being a tool of homosexual criminal minds pushing their gay agenda. Apparently his triangular antennae is a bit of a give-away. This has been taken to the next level by the polish government who has hired psychologists to evaluate the effect on children's minds of this evil corrupt tubtronic behaviour. Thankfully sanity was restored when the boys from the chaser dressed up last year as Tinky Winky and crashed a gay club and a polish club. Apparently Tinky Winky was well received at both venues.

Listen for the Horses

When it comes to a sense of smell, little Ivy May can sit in her soiled nappies all day long and not give a whiff.  She's would be perfectly happy holidaying next to a sewerage works. But Sense of sound is a different matter.  Like an apache listening to the approach of the cavalry, she can sense a plane overhead long before it hits Parramatta, mum and dad tiptoeing to the toilet at 4 in the morning and little big ears has acknowledged that squeaky floorboard before we can whisper an expletive. Her latest thing is to put her ear to the ground like she's in some crap 1950's western. 

But she's definitely coming along in leaps and bounds. Pulling herself up, crawling like a demon, squealing like the beatles just rocked into town when we we sing along to our favourite wiggles anthem. The contribution Toot toot chugga chugga big red car has made to modern music  I feel has been underestimated.