Sunday, February 19, 2006

Hooray for elephants

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence. Boom Boom
Yes not only are kate and I elephant handlers but we're joke tellers as well. Just one of the new skills we have learnt in our 2 weeks volunteer work with elephants. In our time here we have learnt many things. So listen up kids1) Elephants do very large poos. Unfortunately somebody, perhaps yours truly, has to shovel them up in a cart in the morning. They also like to scratch their bum on a branch afterwards 2)To feed elephants. In the animal olympics, elephants would win silver for food consumption shovelling an amazing 60 kilos of vegetable and fruit matter into that rather large gob each day. Should you ever find yourself in a position of feeding elephants the key is to place the bananas in the trunk as quickly and firmly as possible before your arm is ripped from your body. 3) Elephants make great soccer players. Yes if david beckham had four legs and a weight problem he would probably look a little like this fella below. Difference being this bugger is more talented. He is 6 weeks old and dribbling like a demon 4) Never trust a baby elephant. They may be the toddlers of the elephant world, but they know how to stamp on your feet, trip you over and give your bum a good shove. Like all young children they like to tell on you to mum should the game get a little out of hand. Lucky mums chained up for the night I say. Keynote. Try not to wear flip flops and look towards the camera when a 100 kilo baby is waiting for just the right moment. 5) sex education can't start too early in the Ele world. This young 6 year old boy called hope spent the morning trying to shag his Auntie who is old enough to be his grandmother, then followed up with an attempt on a young male bull 12 years his senior. 6) Lying in a hammock. Part of the thai tradition and an invaluable skill when it comes to studying the finer aspects of elephant behaviour. Accompanied with a Singha beer usually helps the research process. 7)Never allow a man like this to move into the room in the room next to you. I am now utterly convinced that snoring is linked to tattoos.8) It is perfectly acceptable behaviour to throw a full bucket of water into an elephants face. In fact they actually encourage it. What is not acceptable is turning your back on a submerged adolescent like the silly tourist in the picture. 9) Despite the cute cuddly, harmless appearance, elephants are dangerous animals. Every year 100 people get killed in Thailand alone. Not bad for a vegetarian. So there you have it. The knowledge garnered after 2 weeks working alongside these gentle but mammoth beasts. In fact theres nothing further to say except HOORAY FOR ELEPHANTS

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